am i whom i was before??

a 53 kilo girl, aged 23 and of good height, i was not always seen as what i am now... i was born as a second child in a family of six...above me, is my brother... he is 4years older than me... we shared everything together... he loves cars, so do i... he loves sneakers, so am i... i believe, he has a vital influence of whom i was then... i was known for my tomboy appearance, not only in public, but within my household... when i was a toddler up till my primary school years, i dressed like a girl... i wore skirts, blouses, smoking dresses and i also kept long curly hair... everything changed when i was in year 5... to think back, i believe, my mother could not influence me to behave like a girl when my only best friend at that time was my brother.. i wore the same clothes he was wearing... we also bought the same hat and sneakers.. every toy he had, i had the same thing too... we were like peas and carrot... nothing could separate the both of us.... i thought.

two more beautiful people came into my world... they are my sisters... now one aged 20 and the last is 15... these two are the ones at first i hate because they got all the attentions from both papa and mama.. so i kept a close bond with my brother iman... as the years went by, we got bigger and older and i believe, wiser!  my brother and i grew apart... we always had fights over this and that.... there was one time, i was so angry with him because he called me "babi" and i immediately kicked him in  his groin... he cried and i was scolded and lectured by mama... starting from that day onwards, we were no longer like peas and carrot... we became  total strangers to one another... no longer we share things together, we barely talk to each other anymore... then, i went to a boarding school, Tunku Kurshiah College Seremban....

 

Back then, i didn't expect i would change my tomboy appearance being in a new surrounding... i didn't think my brother's influence was so great when i went to college, but it remained the same...i kept short hair.. i wore baggy clothes.. the closest example of people you might know is Avril lavign..i worshipped her style back then...actually, until now :p my clothes ranged from adidas and nike tshirts and merchandises, and baggy pants... some of the pants were hush puppies and giordano... my sneakers... the first expensive sneakers i bought was puma...some stupid maniac stole them!!   oohhh i love skateboarding shoes!!! the second pair i had was adidas... and the number grows each year... :) since i was in an all girls school, it was quite normal to see a lot of tomboy characters there... this strengthen my stand not to change whom i was back then... the girls there adored they way i presented myself, especially the seniors and the juniors... looking back at pictures when i was in college, i flushed darkly...how on earth could i dressed the way i did back then?i was embarrasing...  one day, one of the closest friends of mine (seniors actually) asked me to wear her dinner stillettos... with hesitations, i tried them on... they gasped... despite my tomboy look, i could actually look good in heels... they suggested that i change the way i dress up, but i did not heed that suggestion...and it went on the way it did until i graduated college....  but of course i wore baju kurung and wore some light make ups on my graduation night... oh, and yes....HEELS... believe it or not, i had my first pair of heels at the age of 17, and it was only worn once... for that particular occasion only...

when i was in college, my sister, farah, also went to a boarding school in cyberjaya, SSP... who would have thought, from hate, we grew fond of one another after being apart... we developed sisterhood, and this includes my baby sister naddia too.. so every day, i would call her jsut to listen to her voice... when farah had her first handphone, i always texted her to find out about her life in school... when we came home for semester breaks, we went shopping together... to tell you the truth, i was jealous of farah because she is damn beautiful.. if i were compared to her, nobody would go for me... back then, i didn't know how to dress up... forget about make ups... all my clothes were not suitable for a girl's image... when we went for shopping, i always envy her good taste of choosing which dress and blouse to buy... after several times of going shopping together as sisters, i developed a new image for the 'new' me... she always asks my opinion when buying clothes for either one of us three... one day, it occured to me.... "why can't i be more like her??" so, i tried asking for her opinions instead when choosing clothes for myself.... my father was quite happy when i showed him my new girl clothes... finally, he thought to himself, "I got my daughter back..."

 

i grew fond of women's apparel... we went to Zara, Topshop, Forever 21, Blook and all kinds of stores for women's apparel... farah loves to wear platforms and flats... i copied her style.... i know... i know... all of us should have our own distinct style... but, it was somekind of a practice... i need to develop my sense of taste by looking at the things worn by my sisters... luckily, she is not the kind of person who cares about anything...she couldn't be bothered if i had the same shoes as hers... actually, she was proud that i finally want to be a lady... credits to you farah!:)

i got this Zara hoodie bought by mama... she always shows her support in me becoming a lady:)

now,everytime we go for shopping, we would go for the same identical things.. that's just the way it is.. we have developed the same taste as well.. all the three of us... so, raya last year, the three of us looked as though we were triplets...every body was so confused.. some called me farah... farah was thought naddia and vise versa... we were amused by that... previously, there was nothing common between the three of us...now, we are like one... strangers called us triplets... there is no one instance people regard us as friends.. we look alike....and i love that...  because we are after all, sisters...:)






Farah, Nurul, Naddia...sisters now and forever:)



don't be too overwhelmed when i say i have finally transformed into a lady...  if one tries to ransack my things, they would find i still have some possessions usually related to men... i still cannot runaway from favouring men's watches and perfumes...ohh, i forgot i have one hobby usually men love to have...i love to play the acoustic guitar.... :) i have one fossil leather strap watch, one guy laroche, one pierre cardin and an irony swatch...

my first fossil..a sentimental one:)

i love Sean John, Calvin Klein and Boss men's perfumes... but i only managed to buy me Unforgivable Women by Sean John....dat is just because papa had his Unforgivable Men... but don't misinterpret me...it is normal to have the opposite attract... i was attracted to men's fragrance...i love men who smell good and nice... and sometimes i love the smell to be around me... and don't think i'm not straight because my mother also loves papa's perfumes...and she wears them often... papa has a great taste on perfumes and watches... maybe, i was influenced by him... i love the smell of him after he had his shower because he would wear his perfumes, even when he's in the house, not going some place else... he is one man who really cares about his appearance and i adore that very much... talking about watches, i do feel that my hands suit only men's watches... maybe because both of them are hairy like men...i don't know...i cant explain this...:)

now, i love walking confidently in heels, flats and platforms... since i have the height, people say i look extremely tall in heels... it makes me feel like a model... now, i have a new preference... i love to watch victoria secret fashion show...gowsh, to see those ladies in sexy bikinis and tops, it makes me drooled over their luscious bodies...i want to have a flat abs...i need those long legs... i desire those flawless skin.... even though it would be absurd to dream of being a model, i love to see myself in bikini one day... my cousin gave me a pair of VS bikini bottom and some stupid culprit stole it from my clothelines....it was VS Pink!!!nevermind, at least i have had my shots of wearing one VS bikini...probably after i'm married and i only show it to my hubby...who knows...hahahahha...

so, can you see the obvious difference???back then i was nearly becoming a penkid.... now, i love my new me... i believe i have had my metamorphosis....i dare not say i am a butterfly now because butterflies are beautiful... but, i was once an ugly duckling.... i believe, one day to the eyes of some beholders, i might be seen as a swan...heheheh..i do hope so...:) so ugly ducklings out there, don't stop believing.... who knows, you might be a swan someday :)